Elaine must find a special mechanical pencil, the Rolamech 1000, for Mr. Pitt and soon finds herself dealing with the romantic advances of the stationery store clerk. The clerk asks for her telephone number to call her when he receives the pencil but Elaine gives him Jerry’s number instead. George purchases a “big salad” for Elaine, but his girlfriend (Julie) appears to take credit for the purchase. George obsesses over the fact that Elaine believes Julie bought the salad, to the point that he goes out of his way to inform Elaine that he was responsible for the purchase of the big salad. Jerry learns that his current girlfriend, Margaret, formerly dated Newman, who ended the relationship. Jerry cannot comprehend why Newman dumped her and subsequently, attempts to find any fault in his girlfriend. Kramer plays golf with an ex-Major League Baseball player, who washes his ball on the second shot, breaking the rules and causing an altercation with Kramer.
Jerry and Elaine see George’s father, Frank Costanza, with a man in a cape but don’t say hello. Jerry talks to a woman, Donna Chang, on George’s phone line after the wires get crossed and he gets a date with her, thinking she’s Chinese because of her surname. Kramer goes to a fertility clinic. Elaine ruins her friend Noreen’s latest romance with a “long talker.” George’s life is made miserable when the man in the cape is revealed to be Frank’s lawyer and his parents are separating. Kramer discovers he has a low sperm count and must stop wearing jockey shorts. Boxer shorts make him feel uncomfortable, so he decides to wear no underwear at all. Later, Jerry meets Donna, who is not Chinese, but actually shortened her last name Changstein to Chang while taking on stereotypically Chinese interests, such as acupuncture. Donna talks over the phone to George’s mother, Estelle, convincing her not to divorce. When George introduces Donna to his parents, Estelle realizes she is not Chinese and doesn’t acknowledge her advice, deciding to go on with the divorce.
Jerry meets Miss Rhode Island, who is competing in the Miss America pageant and consequently must be chaperoned on her date with Jerry; Kramer fills the role and quickly becomes her personal coach. Elaine seeks to follow in the footsteps of Jackie Kennedy Onassis in securing a position with Doubleday, but she soon finds her job as personal assistant to an executive to be unfulfilling. George replaces polyester with cotton as the material for the Yankees’ uniforms, with alarming results.
Kramer plans to start a “pizza business where you make your own pie” with Poppie. Jerry and Elaine’s discussion of the abortion issue causes trouble at Poppie’s restaurant when it turns out Poppie is pro-life. George joins a book club to impress his girlfriend and is assigned to read Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but tries to rent the movie instead, saying “If it’s not about sports, I find it very hard to concentrate!” Elaine dates the hunky man who delivered Jerry’s couch. George ends up watching the movie at an apartment with an man named Joe and his daughter Remy. Meanwhile, Poppie pees on Jerry’s new couch, and Jerry is forced to get rid of it. He takes his old couch back from Elaine, who took it when Jerry got his new couch. George accidentally spills grape juice all over the family’s couch and is kicked out of their apartment before he can see the ending of the movie. Later, Elaine falls in love with the moving man. Jerry casually asks her what his stand is on abortion. She asks him and breaks down in tears after finding out that he, too, is pro-life. She is forced to break up with him. Kramer’s pizza business with Poppie ends because Poppie objects to Kramer putting cucumbers on his pizza.
Jerry plans to meet a super model at an airport club, but his assistant makes the trip a nightmare. Elaine says she will quit working for Mr. Pitt, but finds out that she’s going to be in his will. George tries to prove to his boss that he is not a racist when he says his boss looks like Sugar Ray Leonard. Mr. Pitt goes to the pharmacy and mistakes Jerry for a pharmacist as he is re-stocking a display that Kramer had knocked over. Jerry then proceeds to give Mr. Pitt some medications. Kramer meets a rich Texan, Earl Haffler, with whom he starts making bets. Jerry’s assistant invites the pilot to his comedy routine which makes Jerry extremely nervous. George is so desperate to find an African-American to pose as his friend, that he asks the African-American man whose house he invaded in The Couch.
Jerry, George and Kramer play a game of basketball with Jimmy, a man who always refers to himself in the third person. Jimmy is wearing special training shoes which supposedly improve vertical leap, and George wants a pair. At the New York Yankees meeting Mr. Wilhelm informs there have been a series of escalating burglaries, and he thinks it’s an “inside job”; George is sweating heavily from playing basketball. Back at the apartment, Elaine has tickets to a benefit for the Able Mentally Challenged Adults (AMCA) featuring Mr. Mel Tormé, “the Velvet Fog”. Elaine also says she wants to meet a handsome blonde guy from the health club, but Jerry and George claim to have no idea who she is talking about because they “can’t find beauty in a man”.
After playing tennis Elaine is recognized by Mrs. Landis, a former potential employer from Doubleday. Elaine lends Mr. Pitt’s tennis racket, a Bruline, to her in hopes of getting a new job. Meanwhile, Jerry is dating Sandy, a “non-laugher”. George is dating Nina, a model who eats a lot and who Kramer thinks may be bulimic. George has dinner with Nina; she feasts on the food and then goes to the bathroom to “freshen” herself. Jerry has dinner with Sandy; he keeps making funny remarks but she doesn’t laugh, she just says “that’s funny”. George wants a matron to spy on Nina to verify if she intentionally throws up. Kramer’s mother, Babs, happens to be a matron, but Kramer doesn’t want anything to do with her.
Elaine’s boss Mr. Pitt eats a Snickers bar with a knife and fork, starting a trend that seems to sweep the city. Jerry and Elaine deal with a couple who sound similar on the phone. Jerry cashes checks long since written by his grandmother, causing her account to become overdrawn. When Jerry’s grandmother tries to call him about the checks, Elaine answers the phone and assuming it’s Dan (who sounds like a woman) tells off Jerry’s grandmother telling her to drop dead. Jerry works on a public television fundraiser and convinces George to bring Yankee Danny Tartabull to the taping.
George and Jerry are suspected of deliberately injuring Bette Midler during a softball game, giving Jerry’s girlfriend a chance to perform in Rochelle, Rochelle, the musical. Kramer becomes Bette’s personal assistant. Elaine gets Frank Costanza to translate for her when she suspects that her Korean manicurist has made some obvious snide remarks in her native tongue. Elaine meets J. Peterman, and gets herself a new job.